Sayonara to the ME I knew

My sister got me this beautiful, floral maxi dress. It was also so wrinkly and takes too much to iron. Too much time I cannot afford to invest in ironing. I don’t have that time as a new mom. So i gave it back (in exchange for something else in her closet, don’t worry #not rude).

It took me a day and a half to research on the right pacifier/dummy for Babe. That’s time I was willing to invest in. It’s important to me that I make a well informed decision, in my new role as a mother. “Anything” doesn’t just go for me.

Does that tell you anything?

Mom Me, Is THE Best Me.

As I mentioned in the Life Update post, Behind Beautiful Forevers is now WhollyEverAfter! and in addition to that, I have decided to include my life and journey as a new mama & wife- learning on the job :).

After transitioning to a whole food plant-based diet in January, 2014, my journey took a 360 turn on various viewpoints; and that has ultimately changed my life. Over the last 5 years, my diet and lifestyle have evolved through new experiences, research and experimentation with practically everything food and body!

What I know now has also majorly shifted my priorities. This is something I always, always tell my Husband…. before you put your money/time/energy out for something, ask yourself: “is that me spending, or that is me investing?” I mean, should I have the money, I would invest in organic cotton clothing for my kids… rather than spending on an expensive Gucci/Prada any day/anytime. Why? because I care about the health and wellbeing of my kid more than what society seems to want them to wear to be acceptable. #crunchymamaalert.

Being a Mother has given me such a sense of reason and purpose! The first 3 months after baby have been the most challenging (i would say) of my life. From the voices of the Naysayers when it comes to choosing to breastfeed …. to those who want to tell you how wrong you’re doing it because they are more experienced, to the people who also want to remind you how hard it is so don’t feel happy; don’t feel happy just yet. Never mind that you are going through the motions yourself… and it is already so SO CHALLENGING!

But I’ve always wanted this. Always always. The milky spit-up on my shirts and the little scratches on my chest from nursing. I’ve never been a perfume person, but baby pee smells so elegant to me. So much of me always wants to give – so giving myself so that my family is okay, has never been a choice.

I never thought too hard about whether I’d be giving up something to start a family. And I never knew how powerful and meaningful the words “YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB” are, until I become a new mother. I am grateful for the help and support I have received from my family. This may be an African thing, or it’s just in my family….. but those words never come from home. 

I don’t want to hear you tell me not to cry or my milk won’t come in. I don’t want to hear you tell me ‘new mothers don’t cry (over their babies)” (and for what reason?). Yes I may be doing sooo many things wrong and God knows how much I beat myself up about that. I’d like to hear something positive in the midst of the negatives already running through my brain. I want to feel, while refusing to let my feelings hold me down.

The last 3 months have been the most challenging, but also the best of my entire life. No matter how much I don’t want to, I feel and know that I FINALLY have a reason. Everything I have read about has brought me to this place. All the lifestyle decisions I have made in the last 5 years, I realize, are finally coming full circle.

It gets easier, I have been told. But even if it never did… if it never did, that wouldn’t make a difference to me. I’ve never witnessed the mercies of God so pure and live. I’ve never been this grateful for Jesus, and all He is to us. Everything about my relationship with God makes more sense now. I’ve learned what I want to be a part of, and what i’d rather not even bother getting into. I am humbled at the sight of this little human, who has been gifted to me. Never will I dare call this journey a sacrifice- I haven’t given up anything. It’s a privilege, and my greatest honor.

I dreamed about and prayed for it, but the real deal is out of this world. The worst of me, has brought out the very best in me, in a weird, twisted way. It’s only been a few months, but I have already been confronted with the truth of my own fears… as I surrender to the One who knows how to handle me best.

Everything is challenging, yet EVERYTHING makes sense. Going out is tough, but keeping Babe to myself till I’m ready makes sense. I don’t feel confident enough to be ‘out there’, but I am confident in what I desire and pray for my family. I haven’t had time to think for myself… but someway, somehow, I am motivated to do all I can for a human who hasn’t even said her first letter.

I don’t know how long this is going to last, but I’m finding out that Mom Me, is THE BEST ME! Whichever me it was before, Sayonara!

“But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”– 1 Peter 3:4

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