‘Rethinking a Kiss…’

I came across this amazing piece during one of my many days of reading wide and i can only add a few words and a hearty Amen!

“Passionate kissing is:

(1) a harmless recreational activity,

(2) a godly way to show true love while dating,

(3) something only married people should share,

(4) a means of seducing your date.”

My eyes were immediately drawn to the survey question-of-the-week at the Christian Web site www.singleness.org. Of the 302 people surveyed (I’d guess most were Christians), 27 chose the first answer, 76 chose the second, and 40 chose the last. Add that up and over 47 percent of them allowed that passionate kissing is acceptable outside of marriage.
Something only married people should share. I added my click and my vote to that group. At one point I might have chosen while dating, or even harmless recreational activity — but over the past few years I’ve found Bible verses that have convicted me otherwise. “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:15-18).

‘Never’ covers all of time — before, during and after marriage. Since I’m not married yet, I am responsible for guarding my husband’s ‘fountain’ (my body, which includes my lips) from strangers, even strangers who would only take a sip. I am attempting to rise to the challenge of Proverbs 31 — “a wife of noble character … brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Men, likewise, are responsible for drinking only from their own wells, only from their own wives, and for staying away from mine.

Christians give the actual act of sexual intercourse a great deal of spiritual significance, yet we rarely examine the motives behind our casual exchanges of physical intimacy with brothers and sisters. We don’t fully acknowledge sexual intimacy as a whole package; we don’t realize that the beginning and ending of passion are inseparable. Most Christians of my generation would agree with the biblical teaching of physical purity as a goal. Yet when it comes to following up in action, we make the same mistakes as our supposedly more worldly peers. Why is that?

I believe it’s partly because kissing is treated so nonchalantly — it’s something we exchange between dates, and it’s justifiable as long as the people involved are Christians and they don’t take it “too far.” It has little to do with God; it has been reduced to a touch exchanged between two, instead of its intended purpose of three-way communion between man, woman and God. The Bible never says “Thou shalt not kiss” so we assume Jesus doesn’t come into our physical connections until we are on the way to marriage.

God never intended the engagement period to be a time for physical experimenting, for peeking under the wrapping paper. Kissing — which quickly turns passionate when you are in love — carries a current intended to light a fire. In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for “kiss” (nashaq) is derived from the primary root meaning “to kindle.” I don’t want to open the matchbox. “Why preheat the oven when you can’t cook the roast?” as Doug Wilson puts it in Her Hand in Marriage.

We see this truth reflected in places ranging from Scripture to literature that has endured for centuries. Song of Solomon 8:4 says not to arouse love until the right time. The fairy tales of Sleeping Beauty and Snow White hold a deeper symbolism: a kiss is (and should be) an awakening. I want to guard my fiancé(my boyfriend); I want him to be asleep to me until we are one before God. There will be other ways of showing affection without arousing passion.

A Virginal Heart
Ultimately I am not as concerned about what Christians’ lips do as I am about where our hearts are. One short kiss might not spark anything (though a string of short kisses quickly becomes a fuse). What’s behind your kiss is what God is concerned about. Are you bestowing devotion or taking gratification? If you truly love that person, is it in their best interests to whet their thirst when you cannot give them the whole glass of water?

Elisabeth Elliot says it best in Passion and Purity:“Can I say categorically that a kiss is a sin? I can say that it might be. I can say that it might take the edge off, spoil the taste and the pleasure later on. It might reduce power. It might distract the heart. … It is the heart’s direction that is always the central issue. God knows what the heart is set on. We can deceive others. We can easily deceive ourselves. The humble and honest heart will always be shown the truth.”

God asks different things of different people. My point is not that everyone should take a vow against premarital kissing. My challenge is that this generation of Christians would take a deeper look at something we treat so lightly. That we would take the initiative in saving something so precious for the right time and person — that we would pray about grasping what Solomon meant when he said there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. That we would understand how intricately kissing is involved with Jesus and that we would ask Him how we can better obey His commands for purity.”

My (This is me, Nana, writing now) boyfriend and I decided we’ll write a contract that would guide us throughout our lifelong union. We realize every time we tell our story that God is the ultimate author of our union and we are determined to bring glory to Him every step of the way. We don’t call it a fairy tale! What we have going on is something so much more divine! It’s a friendship and a love written by the best Author! In the process of writing our contract, I said ‘ I promise not to (or even attempt to) kiss you until our wedding day’ . And he said the most amazing thing. He said ‘that’s default for me. I never intended to’. I had the widest smile in my heart but I had to keep my composure outwardly(though I think I failed lol). That was another of the million confirmations from God that THIS IS THE MAN THE LORD HAS SENT TO ME! For this man I have prayed!

I have always prayed to God that my future husband will understand and not kiss me till our wedding day.I found myself in ‘a joke of a situation’ ( i use this expression because I hate to call it a relationship) with a guy who managed to convince me that a relationship without physical intimacy is always bound for trouble! Here I was, always promised myself that my first kiss would be on my wedding day and now this guy was telling me otherwise. I was 19 and naive,knew of God but didn’t KNOW Him, everybody was telling me to put myself out there. Torturous 4 (or was it 5?) months of my life! I was never ever okay with it! He asked me one day ‘you don’t like it when I kiss you, do you?’ I said ‘NO I DON’T!!!!!’ hahahaha. I’m not saying he’s such a bad and terrible person or what not,because he’s really a very sweet gentleman. He just wasn’t for me! I had a really really hard time forgiving myself for breaking such a sacred vow i made to myself, to God, to my future husband. It was a hard time for me, really. Thank God I found Jesus, who assured me with the words of Colossians 3:3; “Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God.”

And then He asked me to wait on Him while He brings my Prince Charming along! My King under MY KING!!! Waiting on God for this gift is the best thing that ever happened to me, with Jesus Christ being the very first of course!  I was telling my friend about our contract and she laughed and said ‘what exactly will you guys be doing? Holding hands till you get married? ‘ lol. Well I can’t act like I blame her especially in the type of generation where there’s more infatuation than love, where the lust is so thick and morality so weak. But I want to be that voice, that urges people to seek the glory of God in every situation in which we find ourselves.

I’m not asking anybody who reads this to just do what I did because I did it. Search within you and assess your motive behind what you’re doing. There’s a ton of ways of showing affection. My boyfriend writes me little notes and texts just to let me know that he is so grateful to God for me or he tells me stories and stuff (:D 😀 He is so cute!!!) We find ourselves relentlessly pursuing God now more than ever when we think about His faithfulness. As stated above, I’m not ready to kindle the fire when I’m not interested in going the whole 9 yards. I’m guarding my husband’s property till I’m ready to give him everything and not whet his appetite. 2 Timothy 2:22a says “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust.” We told each other as part of our contract if one party is doing something that makes the other uncomfortable in any way, speak up! We can’t be suppressing stuff like that. I don’t care how ‘inexperienced’ we will end up, as the world so eloquently puts it! Nothing about me or you was, is and will ever be crafted by any human so we have no business trying to fit in by gaining ‘experience’.

Let’s stay set apart for our Father!

17 comments On ‘Rethinking a Kiss…’

  • Omg! I’m reading this at work and I just run to the bathroom to scream. I knew I wasn’t the only crazy one wanting to wait after finding Jesus. And I had someone tell me “it comes with the relationship, it impossible to show love if you don’t do those things” can you say GUILT after it happened lol but thank God Jesus found me and took me out of that world!!! I love you sis!! Always on point!

    • now we find out we are two supposedly crazy ones on the same boat! We don’t mind being crazy if it’s bringing Glory to God!I love you more! The world can keep their standards. lol

  • Thanks hun. Just when some of us felt like there was no point pursuing and holding on strongly to certain values in this generation and we were reluctantly going to let down our guard, God has showed up just on time through this amazing piece. God bless u swty. We r not crazy chale. Lol

  • Touching , God help us indeed

  • So perhaps it’s time to hear one male perspective!

    I really appreciate your effort to present a balanced view. It’s good you acknowledge that the bible does not explicitly mention “kissing is a sin” (if the bible does, I’m yet to find out).

    In situations where there is no explicit mention, what we can do is to look at the “spirit” of the Scriptures. Spirit here means the mood or the attitude of the writer.

    For me, the ultimate question to be answered is this: Why am I doing this? Why do I want to kiss her? Why do I want to hold her hand? Why do I want to …?

    We can agree that the bible is against pre-marital sex. But for what purpose? ( I don’t have an answer to that question). It will be interesting to do a study on that. Answers to that question will be crucial in determining whether other acts may lead to the same consequences as sexual intercourse outside of marriage.

    Perhaps, after that question has been addressed, we can then place some boundaries on how far we can go as Christians in our pre-marriage relationships.

    PS: I was for the Heats during the play-offs! The Lakers decided not to show up this season.

  • wonderful piece…..God knows i so needed this.Its been hard but this piece has really urged me to keep going. #Teamkissingcrossedout

  • This is a great piece that should be embraced by all christians especially the youth to guard ourselves from youthful lust and persue to know who really God is.
    In this age, people are being influenced and christians for that matter to accept worldly standards as normal.
    Anyone who has ever believed this “norm” should know that Christ forgives us if we confess our sins to him. We should also pray so that the holy spirit will help us stay pure untill we get married to the spouse God ha prepared for us.
    Continue this good work.
    God bless woman of God.


  • i really love this piece!!! very piercing trust i needed this big time, thanks Pokua and God richly bless you

  • Great post, Nana. And thanks for passing by my site. Really appreciate it. 🙂

  • The words have been put together so well! Looking to read more posts. This is great!

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