I came across this amazing piece during one of my many days of reading wide and i can only add a few words and a hearty Amen!
“Passionate kissing is:
(1) a harmless recreational activity,
(2) a godly way to show true love while dating,
(3) something only married people should share,
(4) a means of seducing your date.”
‘Never’ covers all of time — before, during and after marriage. Since I’m not married yet, I am responsible for guarding my husband’s ‘fountain’ (my body, which includes my lips) from strangers, even strangers who would only take a sip. I am attempting to rise to the challenge of Proverbs 31 — “a wife of noble character … brings her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Men, likewise, are responsible for drinking only from their own wells, only from their own wives, and for staying away from mine.
Christians give the actual act of sexual intercourse a great deal of spiritual significance, yet we rarely examine the motives behind our casual exchanges of physical intimacy with brothers and sisters. We don’t fully acknowledge sexual intimacy as a whole package; we don’t realize that the beginning and ending of passion are inseparable. Most Christians of my generation would agree with the biblical teaching of physical purity as a goal. Yet when it comes to following up in action, we make the same mistakes as our supposedly more worldly peers. Why is that?
I believe it’s partly because kissing is treated so nonchalantly — it’s something we exchange between dates, and it’s justifiable as long as the people involved are Christians and they don’t take it “too far.” It has little to do with God; it has been reduced to a touch exchanged between two, instead of its intended purpose of three-way communion between man, woman and God. The Bible never says “Thou shalt not kiss” so we assume Jesus doesn’t come into our physical connections until we are on the way to marriage.
God never intended the engagement period to be a time for physical experimenting, for peeking under the wrapping paper. Kissing — which quickly turns passionate when you are in love — carries a current intended to light a fire. In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for “kiss” (nashaq) is derived from the primary root meaning “to kindle.” I don’t want to open the matchbox. “Why preheat the oven when you can’t cook the roast?” as Doug Wilson puts it in Her Hand in Marriage.
We see this truth reflected in places ranging from Scripture to literature that has endured for centuries. Song of Solomon 8:4 says not to arouse love until the right time. The fairy tales of Sleeping Beauty and Snow White hold a deeper symbolism: a kiss is (and should be) an awakening. I want to guard my fiancé(my boyfriend); I want him to be asleep to me until we are one before God. There will be other ways of showing affection without arousing passion.
A Virginal Heart
Ultimately I am not as concerned about what Christians’ lips do as I am about where our hearts are. One short kiss might not spark anything (though a string of short kisses quickly becomes a fuse). What’s behind your kiss is what God is concerned about. Are you bestowing devotion or taking gratification? If you truly love that person, is it in their best interests to whet their thirst when you cannot give them the whole glass of water?
Elisabeth Elliot says it best in Passion and Purity:“Can I say categorically that a kiss is a sin? I can say that it might be. I can say that it might take the edge off, spoil the taste and the pleasure later on. It might reduce power. It might distract the heart. … It is the heart’s direction that is always the central issue. God knows what the heart is set on. We can deceive others. We can easily deceive ourselves. The humble and honest heart will always be shown the truth.”
God asks different things of different people. My point is not that everyone should take a vow against premarital kissing. My challenge is that this generation of Christians would take a deeper look at something we treat so lightly. That we would take the initiative in saving something so precious for the right time and person — that we would pray about grasping what Solomon meant when he said there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. That we would understand how intricately kissing is involved with Jesus and that we would ask Him how we can better obey His commands for purity.”
My (This is me, Nana, writing now) boyfriend and I decided we’ll write a contract that would guide us throughout our lifelong union. We realize every time we tell our story that God is the ultimate author of our union and we are determined to bring glory to Him every step of the way. We don’t call it a fairy tale! What we have going on is something so much more divine! It’s a friendship and a love written by the best Author! In the process of writing our contract, I said ‘ I promise not to (or even attempt to) kiss you until our wedding day’ . And he said the most amazing thing. He said ‘that’s default for me. I never intended to’. I had the widest smile in my heart but I had to keep my composure outwardly(though I think I failed lol). That was another of the million confirmations from God that THIS IS THE MAN THE LORD HAS SENT TO ME! For this man I have prayed!
I have always prayed to God that my future husband will understand and not kiss me till our wedding day.I found myself in ‘a joke of a situation’ ( i use this expression because I hate to call it a relationship) with a guy who managed to convince me that a relationship without physical intimacy is always bound for trouble! Here I was, always promised myself that my first kiss would be on my wedding day and now this guy was telling me otherwise. I was 19 and naive,knew of God but didn’t KNOW Him, everybody was telling me to put myself out there. Torturous 4 (or was it 5?) months of my life! I was never ever okay with it! He asked me one day ‘you don’t like it when I kiss you, do you?’ I said ‘NO I DON’T!!!!!’ hahahaha. I’m not saying he’s such a bad and terrible person or what not,because he’s really a very sweet gentleman. He just wasn’t for me! I had a really really hard time forgiving myself for breaking such a sacred vow i made to myself, to God, to my future husband. It was a hard time for me, really. Thank God I found Jesus, who assured me with the words of Colossians 3:3; “Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God.”
And then He asked me to wait on Him while He brings my Prince Charming along! My King under MY KING!!! Waiting on God for this gift is the best thing that ever happened to me, with Jesus Christ being the very first of course! I was telling my friend about our contract and she laughed and said ‘what exactly will you guys be doing? Holding hands till you get married? ‘ lol. Well I can’t act like I blame her especially in the type of generation where there’s more infatuation than love, where the lust is so thick and morality so weak. But I want to be that voice, that urges people to seek the glory of God in every situation in which we find ourselves.
I’m not asking anybody who reads this to just do what I did because I did it. Search within you and assess your motive behind what you’re doing. There’s a ton of ways of showing affection. My boyfriend writes me little notes and texts just to let me know that he is so grateful to God for me or he tells me stories and stuff (:D 😀 He is so cute!!!) We find ourselves relentlessly pursuing God now more than ever when we think about His faithfulness. As stated above, I’m not ready to kindle the fire when I’m not interested in going the whole 9 yards. I’m guarding my husband’s property till I’m ready to give him everything and not whet his appetite. 2 Timothy 2:22a says “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust.” We told each other as part of our contract if one party is doing something that makes the other uncomfortable in any way, speak up! We can’t be suppressing stuff like that. I don’t care how ‘inexperienced’ we will end up, as the world so eloquently puts it! Nothing about me or you was, is and will ever be crafted by any human so we have no business trying to fit in by gaining ‘experience’.
Let’s stay set apart for our Father!