When I have no deadlines to meet and no appointments to honor, I love to take extremely long showers! I spend 75% of the time just running the water while I talk to God.(I need to learn water management, maybe?) I find a lot of sanity during these moments and I walk out with so much more peace and a sense of renewal.
Today I asked the Lord, ‘why is the greatest of all (Love), the most difficult at the same time?! Why is it so hard to truly love somebody?’ And this goes beyond the romantic kind of love, I’m talking about every kind of love.
My God given ministry is Love and i am more than honored to be called to this Ministry, especially knowing that Love is the greatest. I have always been a total sucker for Love (or should i say the idea of it, now that God is teaching me better) so I definitely feel like God took that desire and then chose to teach me the true meaning of the one thing i’m so obsessed with. I find that very cute! 😀
People ask me, ‘do you know what your ministry is?’ and then I tell them and you have people saying ‘omg that’s so cool! You’re so lucky!’ I thought I was pretty cool too, to be honest. But then it got to a point where I started to question myself, like ‘what does it mean to be called to the ministry of Love, with Love being the Greatest?’ I have been at that point where I felt like I was proudly wearing the crown of ‘the girl who has been called to a ministry of Love’ yet I had nothing to show for it! I ask myself, ‘What have I done to make Jesus proud?’ If The Lord were to ask me, ‘how did you change the world with your ministry?’ (which is the greatest) what account would I have to give? “To whom much is given, much is expected” so I say, “To whom the greatest is given, the greatest is expected.” What am i doing that is so great if i’m always so concerned about MY feelings, MY happiness, MY comfort?? NOTHING!
“Do not ever, ever, ever think of asking people what you’re not already trying to do yourself. You can blog and preach and soapbox about whatever you want, but legit historical figures actually rolled up their sleeves and lived it out and let their life do the talking for them. It doesn’t matter how sloppy you pursue it: just do something. We don’t need another basement blogger or pretentious preacher. We need game-changers. Words about love sound pretty; actually loving people is messy. Be part of the mess.” These words of Pastor Joon are everything to me! Such a powerful reminder!
It’s cute to want to use words that mean something. It’s absolutely cute to announce every now and then that my Ministry is Love but truth is, Love goes beyond the ‘cuteness’. Love is getting involved in the mess. You don’t only ‘love’ someone when everything is peachy. Love means understanding the risk of being hurt, being taken for granted, understanding that at some point you might feel like you’re doing too much for someone who doesn’t really care, knowing that it might feel one-sided sometimes, and YET! STILL being able to choose to Love. Because Love is not a feeling, we have to choose Love and keep choosing it. Keep wanting to be involved in the mess.
When God wants to teach you a certain quality or train you in a certain field, He puts the opposite situation in your path. I have had my fair share of being taken for granted, feeling like you’re working so hard at something and the other party is just playing chill, putting a $100 billion in and feeling like you only get $10 in return, I believe I’ve been there. Matter of fact, i’m probably always there. lol. But walking out, or giving up is NOT what God expects of me when these things come my way. He’s teaching me Love, He’s training me to be firmly rooted and established in Love (Eph 3:17b), to choose Love and keep choosing it regardless of any and everything! I want to be able to look in the eye of anybody that hurt me, however deeply, and genuinely say “I Love You” in every true sense of the word, no reservations. None at all! Even without the words, it should be evident how much I love someone so those words are nothing but a verbal confirmation.
I have come to understand that the only reason why good things come to an end is because the world has taught us to believe that there’s always an out. ‘If you’re not happy, leave. You deserve to be happy’, and then there’s the famous rule of Karma(i still can’t understand how we have come to know of Grace and still believe there’s such a rule), ‘if someone hurts you, let them know what it felt to go through what they put you through’ and all that mess. Do you realize that Jesus Christ did none of this and the Bible teaches us the exact opposite?
‘Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.’-Romans 12:19
Remember God’s decision to come to this world to die for us so we might live. Now the Bible says that God did this because “He SO LOVED the world ” And then He comes down to this world, to a people who ridiculed Him, the same people who called Him names and mocked Him right up to the minute He died are the very people He chose to die for! It was definitely a one-sided situation, He definitely put in so much more than we could ever give back and we most definitely took Him for granted. I mean this is God we’re talking about here! The One who definitely had the power to walk out (after all we’re a bunch of ungrateful people), who had the power to ‘teach us a lesson’ ( as we so eloquently put it), He definitely could’ve reminded Himself that He ‘deserves better’ than being disrespected by His own creation, yet decided to stick with the decision He made to die for us … OUT OF LOVE!
And then He calls us to emulate Him by living a life of love cautioning us that we are going to have to die to ourselves daily!
“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must DENY themselves…”
To be able to invest in someone spiritually, emotionally, physically, materially and watch them take you for granted, and then decide to choose love and keep choosing it regardless of whatever because you made that decision to love with no reservation, That’s the Love that conquers it all! That’s the Love that Jesus taught us, that’s the only Love we should even desire to know. I think it’s quite insulting, or should I say demeaning to God, when we seek to do anything other than what He did (and still does and forever will do) for us and then title it Love; even worst having the guts to say God is Love afterwards. Our desire to ‘love’ by seeking our happiness and comfort first is not the Love that Jesus taught us, and we should definitely find another word to express all those garbage feelings.
When we truly love others and they take our love for granted, no matter how hurtful it is, it’s definitely their loss. Just like how it’s always (and forever will be) our loss for taking Jesus for granted. He doesn’t lose. He never does and never will. He wants us, he desperately pleads for our hearts and no matter how much we think we have it all figured out and ignore Him. Who ends up sorry? Who ends up on their knees every time? We do!
So long as God is God, and Love is Love and God is Love, the one with truly, deeply, passionately loves is never ever the one who loses. Ever!
I listened to one of Kathryn Khulman’s preachings where she said, at the end of each day, she goes before God and asks Him, ‘did I make you proud today? Did I make you happy?’
I want to be able to go before Him each day and ask Him that. Not with the desire to feel perfect, because I will never be, but just as the student always looks back at the coach for that nod of approval, My desire is for Him to know that…
‘Dear God, I have been listening and I want to keep listening to You and only You’
And now these three remain: faith, hope and LOVE. But the greatest of these is LOVE!- I Corinthians 13:13