My roommate and I stayed up last week to have the “life after graduation” talk about our goals and expectations from God. It’s something I have written down in a book, something I continually pray about like every second of everyday, but to have someone ask me to voice it all out sparked the waterworks that could cool down a park of 1000 kids during this hot summertime weather.
If I had to find one word to describe what this last year has meant to me, I would choose Grace! In Grace there is a reckless abandon to the ways of Christ; in Grace there is Trust, there is Love, there is Peace, there is Strength!
Last year by this time, I could have sworn I was in the most difficult period of my life trying to figure out how everything about school was going to work out. My father had told me he had $0.00 to sponsor my education. Not even a cent, he said. And through all my whining and crying, the one word I received from God was “I am taking away all forms of doubt in you”. In my mind, I am thinking: “Did you not see the determination and ‘faith’ I started this year with? and this is all You have to say, Lord? You see all that’s going on, deadlines that need to be met, and you’re telling me about doubt?”
Listen, just to give a fair idea of how much I (used to) love being in control, I restock my pantry when stuff are HALF way done. Not 1/3, or a quarter! God, you definitely picked the correct candidate for this lesson of trust.
At some point in our lives, we manage to convince ourselves that the God who spoke this earth into being; the God who was, is and will ever be; the One who knew me before I was formed in my mother’s womb, who has walked out all my days, must be looking somewhere else.
We manage to convince ourselves that He might have missed it.
Pictures always show the highlight reel; but if only people knew the stories behind the real smiles of those who testify of God’s faithfulness.
A year ago, I would have NEVER imagined myself doing half of the things that I do right now:
Nature’s Spoonfuls was birthed out of a challenge I partook in, which I never thought I would be chosen for. I looked at it and thought I was absolutely no match for the people I was competing with. My Indonesian friend wouldn’t stop bugging me so I just went for it so she would keep quiet about it! The lady in charge of releasing funds wouldn’t relent when I showed 10000 signs of sluggishness.I was the only solo candidate in a challenge that was meant for teams! She said: “Just go ahead and complete the application as a solo candidate, Nana”. I run out of excuses and went with it!
I received funding twice (!!!) and today, the dreams I have for Nature’s Spoonfuls can only be expressed in buckets and buckets of tears. I am looking to build a Garden of Eden 2.0, no joke! laugh out loud!
When I shared my dream to start the Nature Up Company (my line of all-natural body care products hands-crafted in small batches) with my mother, she gave me all the reasons why I could NOT. I want to believe it was out of good will and sheer concern. I remember going to God about it, like “The Lord, maybe I should wait right?” ..and all I heard was..”for how long will you seek the affirmation of the same people who will continue to let you down”. I woke up the next day with my student-budget and bought my starting ingredients. Today, my soap business is how I supplement my student budget!
Thankful seems so lacking of a word to express what I feel for experiences that have pushed me to be a better person.
I’m even more thankful for the name Jesus.I hear the name Jesus, and I seriously start weeping. So much power and love and peace and joy in that name!! I know I don’t fully comprehend it, but I also do know that I have knowledge of why the Name Jesus is the Name above ALL NAMES!
I am thankful for LOVE and it’s meaning -which I am sure I will never be able to comprehend entirely until the day we all get to heaven.
I’ve related to this man Jesus in so many ways, I stopped counting;
I remember days in elementary school when I used to see God as my invisible best friend. I use to give Him imaginary hugs and tell Him everything I was going through. I would give and receive imaginary hugs and everything, it was a pretty cool friendship….still is. Of course I didn’t know any better then because apart from Him being my imaginary best friend, my lifestyle/character/habit was no better.
A Masters Degree is in the books now. Some may see me as ‘so qualified” because of this; to some, I still have a long way to go. BUT GOD!!!! BUT GOD!!
I may be a Master of International Marketing, but I understand more who I am in God’s eyes today than I ever have! My specialization in International Business Marketing is not my key to success.
And that is what I am most thankful for today; That I can see what the world considers a key to success and still hunger and thirst for what GOD has called me to! I may not have seen Him do exactly what I am expecting from Him concerning my life, but these I recall – the words of Paul: “I know whom it is I have trusted; He is Faithful” 1 Timothy 1:12 and what the Bible says of Sarah: “ Because she judged Him Faithful, who had promised” Hebrews 11:11.
Letting go is by far the easiest and most difficult thing to do. How that works out, I still do not know but I would like to encourage whoever is reading this with one more scripture: